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Post by V.I.R.O.S. on Oct 22, 2009 21:04:20 GMT -5
Welcome to the Aperture Science Artificial Intelligence Normality Testing, or A SAINT for short. Here are A SAINT, we strive to provide the best in safe and convenient devices for society. Please remember that nothing in the A SAINT center will be able to do serious damage to you, and in the event that it does do serious damage to you, you will be provided with complementary counseling sessions and a slice of Black Forest Cake. Your enrichment will begin soon, please put on your Aperture Science approved jumpsuits, and pick up the Aperture Science Un-Weighted Companion and Storage Cube.
Please fill out these forms, with the Aperture Science pen on your desk.
Name: Race (Human only, African, Asian, Hispanic): Specialties(Class): Social Status(Upper Class, Middle Class, Lower Class):
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Post by vaconcovat on Oct 23, 2009 1:09:12 GMT -5
Name: Vaconcovat Race: Hispanic Specialities: (Explain.....)[Mental patient, physicist] Social status: Middle class
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Post by Qwerty on Oct 23, 2009 8:49:12 GMT -5
Name: Chell (you betcha) Race (Human only, African, Asian, Hispanic): Demo- umm, Caucasian. Specialties(Class): Thinking with portals. Social Status(Upper Class, Middle Class, Lower Class): What class is Chell, anyway? I suppose she was middle class.
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Post by V.I.R.O.S. on Oct 23, 2009 15:16:26 GMT -5
It's nice to have you all here, now if you will just gather your Companion and Storage Cubes, and your Aperture Science Advice Device, or ADAC for short, we can get on our way. Please move on to the first chamber for your first test.
Test Area #1
A hallway leads the way to a tall door that opens and closes every five seconds. The door leads directly to a spiked pit, with no ledge between the pit and the door. There is a long metal pole near the door, resting unsecured in the corner.
A SAINT Computer: Remember to use your ADAC for helpful Aperture Science approved advice!
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Post by Qwerty on Oct 23, 2009 16:37:31 GMT -5
*looks at ADAC*
Hmm...
*picks up pole, tries to jam open door*
This would be much easier if I had my old Portal Gun. But, alas, a different test... at least they don't have a maniac computer running this one.
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Post by vaconcovat on Oct 23, 2009 16:54:14 GMT -5
*looks at the slot in the wall where the door goes when it opens*
There is a mechanism which opens and closes the door in there.
*takes pole off Chell, uses it smash mechanism, jamming the door permanently.*
"That should solve our door problem"
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Post by V.I.R.O.S. on Oct 24, 2009 12:17:53 GMT -5
Congratulations! Your team work will serve you well here in the Enrichment Center! Of course, there is still the problem of the spikes!
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Post by Qwerty on Oct 24, 2009 14:09:26 GMT -5
"So, how's our balance?"
*sets the pole across the pit*
"Who first? I'll hold on to the pole at this end, maybe use some bits of the mechanism to anchor it.
*jams pole into remains of mechanism*
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Post by V.I.R.O.S. on Oct 24, 2009 14:21:29 GMT -5
Computer: Remember, A SAINT would like to remind you that none of our tests could do you any lasting harm, everything is perfectly safe.
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Post by Qwerty on Oct 24, 2009 15:24:52 GMT -5
Yeah, right.
*tests support of pole*
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Post by vaconcovat on Oct 25, 2009 3:05:27 GMT -5
"Wait, maybe going above the spikes isn't the answer....."
*reaches inside where the door slides into*
"Can you help me here?"
*both of just reach inside, and manage to slide out the panel of metal used as the door*
"This could be useful!"
*places metal over a section of the spikes, it covers around 1/4 of the distance*
"What should we do next?"
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Post by Qwerty on Oct 25, 2009 12:28:58 GMT -5
"Hump? It might work..."
(Jump*)
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Post by vaconcovat on Oct 25, 2009 15:59:48 GMT -5
WTF
*We jump down onto the sheet of metal, it wobbles a little because the spikes are uneven*
"Woah..."
*I grab the pole, and use it as a ore to try and propel us across the spikes.*
There is a horrible screeching noise and the metal slowly scrapes across the spikes
*We get jammed around 3/4 of this distance*
"Do you think we could jump the rest of the distance?"
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Post by Qwerty on Oct 25, 2009 20:02:08 GMT -5
Probably... but I have a better idea!
*throws Vaconcovat across*
Anything you can do over there?
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Post by vaconcovat on Oct 26, 2009 1:58:51 GMT -5
*clambers up the other side*
There is a short hallway and a locked door at the other end
"Uhhh, not really"
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Post by Qwerty on Oct 26, 2009 8:57:15 GMT -5
"Any bits of metal to cover the rest of the pit? No?"
*runs up and jumps across, makeshift bridge falls into the pit afterward*
"Oops... was anyone still on that side?"
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Post by vaconcovat on Oct 26, 2009 16:19:24 GMT -5
The door in front of us is still locked
VIROS, we're done!
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Post by Qwerty on Oct 26, 2009 18:12:19 GMT -5
*headbangs on door*
I have a feeling we were supposed to polevault... should I break off one of these weird shoe things and try that?
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Post by vaconcovat on Oct 27, 2009 0:46:45 GMT -5
We DID make it to the other side, didn't we?
Thats what he wanted.....
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Post by Qwerty on Oct 27, 2009 9:08:51 GMT -5
Good point...
Why did the two test subjects cross the pit of spikes? To make it to the other side!
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