|
|
Post by Sandmaster on Jan 28, 2009 18:39:03 GMT -5
that one is funny because centipedes can't count past 45
|
|
|
|
Post by soccerking on Jan 29, 2009 13:34:20 GMT -5
No, I have NEVER heard one count past 36.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sandmaster on Jan 29, 2009 19:00:58 GMT -5
I did, back in '66
|
|
|
|
Post by soccerking on Jan 30, 2009 8:26:20 GMT -5
Oh ya, forgot you were my grandmother.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sandmaster on Jan 30, 2009 9:59:25 GMT -5
you grandmother was alive in 1166?!
|
|
|
|
Post by soccerking on Jan 30, 2009 11:43:25 GMT -5
IDK, were you?
Yo mamma's so stupid that when shesaw a yellow bus full of white children she yelled, "Stop that twinky!"
From coolfunnyjokes.com vvv
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
|
|
|
|
Post by Sandmaster on Jan 30, 2009 13:57:28 GMT -5
i read that one already
|
|
|
|
Post by soccerking on Jan 31, 2009 4:39:02 GMT -5
But it was funny.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sandmaster on Jan 31, 2009 8:37:01 GMT -5
i remember a lot of very funny ones from a joke thread...ill go get them later
|
|
|
|
Post by General Veers on Jan 31, 2009 12:53:42 GMT -5
Hmmm...
From Jokelopedia
Two telepathic psychics meet.
One of them greets the other in this manner: "Hello, you're fine. How am I?"
Not one of the best jokes, but it suffices for now while I can't think of any other ones.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sandmaster on Jan 31, 2009 17:34:09 GMT -5
it isn't funny, but it is amusing
|
|
|
|
Post by FoxtrotZero on Feb 1, 2009 16:36:08 GMT -5
...
A hippo walks into a bar and sits down at the Barstool. He calmly orders a Pint of lager, and the Bartender gladly pours it for him. The bartender says "That'll be Seven-Fifty." The Hippo unhappily puts the money onto the bar counter. The Hippo sips his beer, and the Bartender says "Y'know, we don't get many Hippos around here." The Hippo aggrivatedly responds "Well at These prices, its no wonder!"
I got that off a calender at a barber shop. Heres a collection of Yo Momma jokes, including a few original ones by me.
Yo Momma is so stupid, She told you a Yo Momma Joke.
Yo Momma is so Fat, when she stepped on a Cruise Ship, it instantly became a Cruise Submarine.
Yo Momma is so Stupid, when the Microwave Dinged she checked the door
That one can also be used in reverse, as such:
Yo Momma is So Stupid, When the Doorbell ringed she checked the microwave.
Yo Momma is So Fat, The Highway Patrol makes her wear "Caution - Wide Load"
Yo Momma is So Fat, The World REALLY DOES Revolve around her!
Thats only a sample. And for the road:
What do you get when you cross an Elephant and a Rhino? Ellifino!
(Ellifino is a cross between Elephant and Rhino, pronounced Ell If I Know. Say it aloud and it sounds similar to "Hell If I Know", but you have to say it fast enough to sound like one word. Try saying it out loud)
|
|
|
|
Post by Sandmaster on Feb 1, 2009 17:06:17 GMT -5
last one wasn't too funny
|
|
|
|
Post by artik on Feb 2, 2009 15:06:32 GMT -5
I wish my grass was emo. Then it could cut itself.
|
|
|
|
Post by soccerking on Feb 2, 2009 15:24:49 GMT -5
Lol, that one is funny.
Here is something kinda wierd, but kinda true in a way.
Advantages of being a female:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
|
|
|
|
Post by FlamingAero on Feb 2, 2009 15:43:26 GMT -5
i got a short simple funny Blonde joke(my sis is blonde) What do you call a smart Blonde a golden retreiver  heres another two Blondes walk into a bar what do they say Ouch |
|
|
|
Post by Sandmaster on Feb 2, 2009 20:42:07 GMT -5
SK's was pretty funny
|
|
|
|
Post by Sandmaster on Feb 3, 2009 16:25:16 GMT -5
what are you implying?
|
|
|
|
Post by soccerking on Feb 10, 2009 1:58:51 GMT -5
You mean, what am I implying by posting that?
|
|
|
|
Post by Sandmaster on Feb 10, 2009 17:08:36 GMT -5
someone deleted a post
|
|
[img src="http://i44.[tinypic.com]/29xj4hs.png"][img src="http://i41.[tinypic.com]/2ngdeh1.png"][img src="http://i40.[tinypic.com]/332w078.png"][img src="http://i43.[tinypic.com]/2mcyv7r.png"][img src="http://i44.[tinypic.com]/f6pug.png"]
[M:7000]
[img src="http://i25.[tinypic].com/10ygymt.png"]
