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Post by artik on Jan 26, 2009 13:48:33 GMT -5
Tell jokes here.
Here's one:
There's this famous football player, and he's walking down this street, and there's a house on fire. The woman inside calls to him and yells,"Save my baby! Catch!"
The football player catches it, then throws it to the ground and yells,"TOUCHDOWN!"
---
Another one:
What's worse than a baby eating its way through other babies? Coming back for seconds.
---
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Post by Sandmaster on Jan 26, 2009 15:13:19 GMT -5
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HAHAHAHAHA
You see, it's funny because roads can't talk.
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Post by soccerking on Jan 26, 2009 16:20:48 GMT -5
Ok......
I have a blonde (woman) joke. (Blonde jokes never apply to men)
Ok, so there are these three women left on a deserted island. One is a brunette, on a redhead, and one is a blonde. So the brunette decides to walk across the island. She gets 1/4 of the way to the other side, stops, decides she is too tired, and goes back.
So then the redhead goes. She gets 1/3 o the way, stops, decides she is too tired, and goes back.
So then the blonde decides to walk across the island. She sets off, gets 1/2 of the way, stops, decides she is too tired, and goes back.
I will not explain it. I am sure that MOST people are smart enough to get it.
(Some exceptions though)
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Post by Sandmaster on Jan 26, 2009 18:15:32 GMT -5
LOL!!!
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Post by General Veers on Jan 27, 2009 0:00:43 GMT -5
50%, how pathetic...
The following joke was from a jokebook called the Jokelopedia.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know, why did the chicken cross the road?
To get a copy of "Beijing Times"! Get it?
No...
Neither do I, I get "USA Today"...
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Post by soccerking on Jan 27, 2009 1:41:22 GMT -5
Lol. I saw nother blonde joke:
Three blondes were stuck in an elevator when the electricity went out. After about an hour, one of them said, "If we all yell together, maybe they will hear us." So, they all lined up, and one of them counted, "1, 2, 3," and then they all yelled, "TOGETHER! TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"
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Post by artik on Jan 27, 2009 12:30:06 GMT -5
[This is from Reader's Digest]
A deaf accountant cheated a mafia member out of the deal. The mafia member got an interpreter to say what the accountant was saying in sign language.
Mafia Member: Ask him where the money is.
Interpreter (Speaking in Sign Language): Where is the money?
Accountant (Speaking in Sign Language): I won't tell you.
Interpreter: He says he won't tell you.
Mafia Member: Tell him if he doesn't tell me where the money is, then I'll shoot him.
Interpreter (Speaking in Sign Language): He will shoot you if you don't tell him.
Accountant (Speaking in Sign Language): Alright, Alright, I buried it behind the shack.
Interpreter: He says you don't have the guts.
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Post by TBP on Jan 27, 2009 12:46:53 GMT -5
...
Artik reads Reader's Digest?
Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Sorry, I like yo mamma jokes ^^
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Post by General Veers on Jan 27, 2009 13:04:41 GMT -5
From 1001 Funny Jokes
Three men were to be executed for treason by a firing squad. They were each to be shot individually. The first one randomly yelled out "Tornado!" and escaped amidst the distraction in the firing squad. Seconds later, they put the second felon against the wall and prepared to shoot him. Taking inspiration from the first man, the second yelled out "Flood!" and also escaped. Eventually, the third man was about to be shot. He was a bit of a Wally. Just as the firing squad was ready the Wally felon yelled "Fire!"
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Post by soccerking on Jan 27, 2009 14:55:19 GMT -5
Lol, that is funny.
I have a joke similar to that, but not really. It is related to baseball.
So, there were these 3 baseball fans who were enlisted in the army, and were fighting over seas. One was a Cubs fan, one was a Yankees fan, and one was a Red Sox fan. One day, they were all caught drinking beer, and the penalty was death. But because it was the executer's birthday, he instead decided to only give the three men 100 lashings from a whip. And then, because his wife asked him to, he lowered it to 20 lashings.
So the first man came up, the Cubs fan. The executor suddenly felt sorry for the men, and said that they could each have one wish before they recieved their lashings. The Cubs fan said, "I wish to have a pillow tied to my back." So a pillow was tied to his back, but after only 10 lashings, it was totally destroyed.
Then the Yankee fan came up, and he said, "I wish for two pillows to be tied to my back." But the two pillows only lasted 15 lashings.
Then the Red Sox fan came up, and the executor said, "Sonce you support the greatest baseball team on earth,you may have two wishes.
So the Red Sox fan said, "First, I would like not 20, but 100 lashings." And to this the executor said, "You are truly a brave man. What is your second wish?"
And the Red Sox fan said, "For my second wish, I would like to have that Yankee tied to my back."
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Post by Sandmaster on Jan 27, 2009 19:29:27 GMT -5
LOL! That one is funny because pillows are for SLEEPING! HAHAHAHA XD
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Post by General Veers on Jan 28, 2009 0:09:29 GMT -5
That joke was hillarious, Soccerking!
From Jokelopedia
There once was a perfect little girl who lived in a perfect little family with a perfect life. Every perfect morning she would wake up from her perfect little bed at the perfect time and perfectly get dressed in her perfect little dress. She would go from her perfect little bedroom on the perfect upstairs human ever beheld to the perfect kitchen in the perfect downstairs in order to perfectly eat her perfect breakfast, which consisted of perfect pancakes perfectly buttered with perfect butter and a perfect little cup of perfect orange juice. When she would perfectly finish her perfect breakfast that her perfect mother perfectly made just for the perfect little girl, the perfect little girl would perfectly prepare to walk perfectly to her perfect little bus stop in her perfect little neighborhood. The perfect little girl would perfectly wait patiently for the perfect amount of bus-waiting time for the perfect little school bus that would perfectly bring the perfect little girl to her perfect little school.
At her perfect little school, which was the perfect distance from her perfect little home in her perfect little neighborhood, the perfect little girl would perfectly go to her perfect little classes with her perfect friends and perfectly complete all the perfect assignments that she was so perfectly assigned. When the perfect little girl completed her perfect little schedule she would perfectly socialize with her perfect friends on her perfect way to the perfect little school bus and perfectly ride back to her perfect little home in her perfect little neighborhood.
(I'm going to leave out some of the details of this short-story joke for the sake of our convenience.)
One perfect little day when the perfect little girl perfectly went to her perfect little bus stop in her perfect little neighborhood she spotted a perfect little puppy dog that looked perfectly lonely on the other side of the perfect little street.
"Oh my, that's a perfect little puppy! I'm going to perfectly shelter him at my perfect little home. He can perfectly keep me in perfect company while I perfectly sleep in my perfect little bed at my perfect bedtime. He can also perfectly wake up when I perfectly wake up at the perfect time each perfect morning and perfectly eat the perfect amount of some perfect dog food while I perfectly eat my breakfast, and perfectly wait with me at the perfect little bus stop in my perfect little neighborhood. The perfect little puppy can perfectly go to school with me and perfectly amuse my perfect friends, and then he can perfectly go back to my perfect little home with me. I must perfectly have that perfect little puppy!"
And so the perfect little girl's perfect little heart was perfectly filled with perfect desire to perfectly have the perfect little puppy.
As the perfect little girl perfectly went across the perfect little road in her perfect little neighborhood to retrieve the perfect little puppy that was perfectly on the perfectly opposite side of the perfect little road, a car ran into her.
...
What's the moral of the story?
Look both ways before crossing the street.
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Post by Sandmaster on Jan 28, 2009 9:16:31 GMT -5
Everything is perfect? Just wait till they get into politics.
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Post by soccerking on Jan 28, 2009 9:29:09 GMT -5
Wow, that joke was so long, and now I am late for soccer practice.
Dx
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Post by Sandmaster on Jan 28, 2009 10:20:15 GMT -5
probly because you bothered posting
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Post by artik on Jan 28, 2009 10:39:24 GMT -5
I forgot what the word "perfect" meant several times when reading that XD
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Post by Sandmaster on Jan 28, 2009 12:32:57 GMT -5
what does 'I' mean?
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Post by soccerking on Jan 28, 2009 12:55:20 GMT -5
Dun know. Me forget.
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Post by Sandmaster on Jan 28, 2009 14:55:54 GMT -5
What does anything mean, and if I do not know how did I type a perfectly sensual sentence using relatively intermediate diction to produce such?
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Post by General Veers on Jan 28, 2009 15:54:23 GMT -5
Because you don't exist, and therefore physical rules don't always apply to you?
From Jokelopedia
A centipede and a millipede encounter each other one day.
The centipede says, "Wow, what are the chances of our meeting each other?"
The millipede responds, "Oh, about ten to one..."
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[img src="http://i44.[tinypic.com]/29xj4hs.png"][img src="http://i41.[tinypic.com]/2ngdeh1.png"][img src="http://i40.[tinypic.com]/332w078.png"][img src="http://i43.[tinypic.com]/2mcyv7r.png"][img src="http://i44.[tinypic.com]/f6pug.png"]
[M:7000]
