Post by artik on Oct 2, 2009 17:59:58 GMT -5
This is the Regnorof Story, made by Mr. NX
This story is in progress.
A Brief Summary of the History of Regnorof
Chapter 1: Our Ruler
Long ago when penguins still walked about the land of Regnorof, there lived a young lad with the name of Artik. Artik was a young boy, and never left Penguin island in his life. One day, the dreaded monkeys attacked Penguin island. Artik lost his arm when a monkey named Oranos raided his home, but grabbing his dad's gun, he shot Oranos right in the face. Artik fled to Capcherf, using a boat that was conveniently near his house. It was a long, cold trip. When Artik was at Ice Path, he slipped and fell into the water. He froze there. After a long, cold 10 years, a man name Mr. NX (me) came, and found Artik. Little did I know I found the future ruler of Capcherf.
**
Chapter 2: 10 Years Time
In 10 years a lot can happen. When Artik was frozen, a war broke out between the penguins and the monkeys. The humans fled until the seven year war ended. The penguins had won. The monkeys retreated back to their master, Nisomi.
**
Chapter 3: Nisomi
Nisomi was born a royal snob. When Nisomi was five years old, he grabbed his father and threw him into the sea, all because he didn’t get his daily 180296357562539623 presents. With his father dead, Nisomi became king. His father is rumored to be part of the sea now.
**
Chapter 4: Artik's Arm
When I noticed Artik's arm, I took him to Forgery Island, a place where people forge… stuff. There, the people made him a new arm, which <random>shot lasers</random> . So now he can protect himself.
**
Chapter 5: 1 Month Later
1 month later, Artik was fitting in nicely in Capcherf, my home village, with me. Artik and I lived in a small house, by the wall. We had become the bestest friends and adventured together.
**
Chapter 6: Artik, the King
One peaceful day, Capcherf was invaded by the monkeys. The soldiers were no match for them (yes, they couldn‘t fight monkeys.). Artik and I fought together, until we found the leader. Picking up his trusty frying pan (o.o), he bashed the monkey chief’s head in. The people of Capcherf were grateful, and declared Artik king. What happened to the other king? The narrator threw him into the sea.
**
Chapter 7: Conclusion
Today I travel with Artik. I record the adventures we have, so everyone knows of his greatness. And stupidity. Oh dear, I hope he doesn’t read this.
**
Regnorof Info
Races
Glocks
-Half alien, half zombie
-We attach armor to their skins
-They work at NX Studios
More to come…
THE ADVENTURES OF ARTIK AND MR.NX: VOLUME 1: The People Join Together
Chapter 1: The Company
The new company, NX Studios, is in construction. We're going to have many things, like a test chamber, with a viewing room. There's going to be a meeting room, entrance room, long hallways etc. I should have the blueprint soon.
I have the blueprint. Top secret. You can't see. I don’t know why. Maybe to build suspense.
Construction complete =] We have guards that are an <random>alien species</random>. We call them Glocks. They're like a zombie and a ghost at the same time (OMG ZOMBIE GHOSTS??? AND I WROTE THIS BEFORE SEEING FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES o.o)
Chapter 2: The Cake is a Lie
Today Artik and I went to a restaurant, seeking a cook for our manor. I took one bite, and then immediately spat it out. It tasted horrible! I asked to see the chef. A fat man who introduced himself as Chef Randy, came to us. He had long, greasy black hair, a red face, and a chef hat that skimmed the ceiling. I told him about the food and he said, "You don't like it? It's my special you know, sausage ice cream with a dash of gunpowder."
When he said this, I stared at him, like I stare at Artik when he‘s having one of his “moments“. I said, "You put GUNPOWDER in it?
"
"Yes."
"Why?!"
"Well, in all my recipes I have to put something flammable in it, to give it that special zing."
I looked over at Artik, who wasn't saying anything. He was eating the special.
Chef Randy beamed at Artik. "See? Your friend likes it."
I gaped at Artik, who then said, "Can I have some more please?"
Artik invited Chef Randy to our house. They started talking about "old times", which they never even had.
"Remember when I jumped off that cliff and you were like-"
"Yeah, I remember that! Weren't you-"
"Yes I was!"
"That's so funny!"
"Good times..."
"Anyways, how's your cooking career?"
"Not that great. A new chef in town came and made something that everyone liked. He was actually making a cake. No flammable zing or anything! And you know what? I saw him getting the cake from another cook! He paid him! That chef is lie! Heck, the cake is a lie! Hmph! You can't trust any of those cooks with their non-explosive recipes!”
I started to get interested and asked, "What’s his name?"
"Chef Zoukini or something like that."
"Chef Zoukini?? Isn't he the greatest chef in the world?"
"Of course not! I am!"
"Do you read cook magazine?"
"... No."
"Well then, how would you know?"
"I just know."
"Right."
Artik interrupted the conversation. "But why did she lie about the cake?"
"Chef Zoukini is a he,“ I said.
"Riiiiigghhhht
"
Chef Randy joined in: "Riiiigghhhtttt"
"What is that supposed to mean?" I yelled.
"Hmmm... You wouldn't understand."
"Fine."
"Anyways boys, we have to try and show Chef Zoukini's fans what he really is!"
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I like ruining people's lives!"
"......"
Chef Randy told us to meet him by his house tomorrow to uncover Chef Zoukini.
Today we're going to show Chef Zoukini's true form.
Chef Randy told us the plan, "Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to put a tiny camera on Artik's neck-tie, then we'll film Chef Zoukini dealing with the other chef. Okay, lets go!"
Artik arrived at the scene of the dealing. He hid behind a bush, filming the whole thing. Chef Zoukini, a man with a dark purple suit, a chef hat, and short brown hair went in an alley. He waited there for five minutes, when a man with a briefcase came.
"You got the stuff, G-Man?"
"Yup. Right here."
"G-Man" opened the case and showed... A cake! (And a man with a crowbar, but that is not of importance now.)
Artik ran up to Chef Zoukini after G-Man was gone. He said, "I filmed the whole thing, Zoukini."
"Who are YOU?”
“I am Artik, your king!”
“Never heard of him.”
“…..”
“…..”
Suddenly, Artik pulled out his frying pan and Zoukini pulled his spatula out and they fought an epic battle.
“The narrator really is desperate for action…” I mumbled. Artik finally disarmed Zoukini and yelled, “You fight well!!! But not well enough! Now I shall expose to the world your dirty little secret!”
And then after that, a band came running out of the bushes and started playing “Dirty Little Secret”. A crowd formed, and when they finished we all applauded. The band ran away, the crowd dispersed, and Artik went back to business.
"Zoukini, during the music I thought, maybe I should be nice. If you be my slave, I will not expose your dirty little secret.”
This time, before the band could come out again, Artik took out his shotgun and fired it at the musicians. He then looked back at Zoukini. He was contemplating his choices, and after a minute, he responded.
"Deal... Wait do I have to-!"
"Too late."
Artik grabbed Chef Zoukini and carried him where Chef Randy and I were. We saw Chef Zoukini, and Chef Randy screamed, “HAHAHAHAHHAA FINALLY THE COMPETITION HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!” Chef Randy and Artik were celebrating.
"This was a triumph!" Artik yelled.
"I'm making a note here," Chef Randy got out his notepad, "HUGE SUCCESS."
I got the tape from the necktie and played it. It turns out Artik forgot to turn it on.
Chapter 3: The Nub
Artik was typing on his computer when I came in his room. He was chatting with some people called,"Buggy793, M4, Darkassass1n, Archzero, and some others.
"You've been chatting all day Artik."
No answer.
"Artik...?"
I saw Artik rescue some "Qwertyuiop" from "nonjas".
"Artik, what are you doing?"
No answer again.
Suddenly, Artik started laughing.
"HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHA!!!!!"
"What is it?"
"M4 just posted this children's show, and there's this guy named NU6, or "NUB", who's being the children show host. And he looks so UGLY!!!"
"Let me see that..."
I saw the video. It really was a little funny. The host looked exhausted and demented, and was wearing a cardboard box. The children were piling up on top of him. Artik and I decided we wanted to see this man in person. Artik called Zoukini to drive over there.
We arrived at the place, just in time for the show. NU6 was in his cardboard costume, but you could see his eyes. They were cracked and there was dark circles under them. I started feeling sorry for this guy. The show consisted of the children yelling over NU6s quiet voice, and then the children, getting bored, killed the cameraman, and started piling on NU6 once again.
When the show was done, Zoukini drove Artik and I home. We opened the trunk to get something Artik put there last week. When we opened it, we found NU6 gagged and tied up in there.
When we ungagged NU6 and untied him, we asked him why he was in our trunk. He said that the children jumped him and dragged him in. After that, NU6 refused to go back, so we let him stay with us. He said he owed his "life" to us. Those children must’ve been pretty horrible.
I turned on the TV and watched the news.
"Today we had several murders and a disappearance. Children were terrified."
It showed a film of all the children crying and the murder scene. For a second, I thought I saw one of the child's eyes turn red. I blinked and it was gone. Must've been my imagination.
Chapter 4: Order and Money
Artik wanted to visit Penskit, a nearby town, since he heard there was something interesting happening there. I came with him, and when we got here, we found Arcamedes. He was a tall, official looking man, with an official looking designer suit.
Arcamedes was on a platform, repeating the same line over and over again, "I am Arcamedes the thirteenth and I demand order!"
The townspeople were rioting against Arcamedes. We later found out he was taxing the villagers one quaddrillion dollars a week.. One insane villager jumped at Arcamedes, but a guard caught him. And that guard, apparently equally angry at Arcamedes as the insane villager, threw him at Arcamedes, who got knocked out. Artik, wanting attention, starting rioting too and started a fist fight.
"Artik! Stop it!"
"Have you ever heard of "go with the flow" man?”
"Artik, act more like a smart king!"
"Oh you're no fun, "said Artik, but still put down his fists.
The villagers slowly walked toward Arcamedes with pitchforks and torches. No one deserved to be stabbed by a pitchfork, so I bravely shot all the villagers down, picked up Arcamedes (and Artik), and called Zoukini. We hopped in the car, and escaped.
When we were back at Capcherf, Arcamedes thanked us for saving him, and asked if there was anything he could do to pay us back. Artik said that it would help if he joined the royal committee, and if he payed us onedrillionbillionquadrillion pieces of gold. Arcamedes agreed. And that is where we got all our money.
Chapter 5: Blizzard
Today Artik appointed Chef Randy Royal Chef, and NU6 the Royal Idiot. When Chef Randy was cooking his cereal with a dash of oil, Chef Randy found out that he was out of grease. So Artik and I went to the grease shop.
When we were out of the shop, some greasers (pun intended) came and tried to take our grease for their hair. We refused, and took our weapons out. The greaser leader said, "Don't even try, we have snipers at every building."
"What buildings?" I asked.
"Um. Err..."
When I was about to attack, I saw a spot in the sky. It was a man in a helmet and suit flipping and doing acrobatics in the air. There were sparkles coming from him too. I frowned. The man landed on the greaser leader's horse (horse?) and kicked him off. He then grabbed us and rode away... Into the sunset. When we were at a safe point, the man took off his helmet, swinging his long, golden hair around.
"Hey, I'm Blizzard. Single, and gorgalishous."
"Umm... Hi, "I said, very confused.
"I see you got intercepted by some greasers. Good thing I was there."
"Actually we could've gotten rid of him oursel-"
"Yeeeaaah. You keep telling yourself that, kid."
Kid? I was at least twenty years older than him.
"Actually, I-"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A squeal was then heard. I looked up, and saw a girl parachuting down, and then landed by Blizzard.
"It's you Blizzard, I can't believe it's you! I've been looking for you everywhere, I even got some dogs to sniff you out!!!!"
Artik cut in.
"Hey Blizzard. Why don't be my Royal Bodyguard? I’m recruiting people for my royal court of justice!”
"Sure, I'd do anything... for such a beautiful lady." Winked Blizzard, once again swinging his hair. The girl squealed again.
"Uh, yeah, Artik is a guy. Who is this girl?” I asked.
"Oh, I don't know her name, but everyone calls her Fan Girl."
"Oh."
Artik started talking again, and Blizzard was made Royal Bodyguard. And since we couldn't get Fan Girl to stop following Blizzard, we had to let her come too. We made her Royal Appreciator.
Chapter 6: Level 89
Today we met a strange man named Xenoloth. Artik, me, Blizzard, and of course, Fan Girl, went to the Hills of the Bills to watch the monthly fireworks. When we got there, the Bills were getting ready to get the fireworks up in the sky. Then when one launched, a man came and jumped on it.
At first, everyone just looked and said nothing. Then someone screamed. Everyone else starting screaming too, except our little gang. The man on the firework was yelling something, "LEVEL 89!!!! w0000t!!!!!!" The man had spiky, white hair, and looked strangely similar to one of Artik‘s Runescape characters…. The firework exploded, and he went flying, right towards my face. I think I blacked out after that.
I woke up in my bed with Artik staring at me.
"Finally you're awake!" said Artik with relief.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Well, Xenoloth, the man on the firework, just had a level up. He was so happy that he jumped on a firework and then he landed on you."
"... What..?"
"Well, that doesn't matter. I talked to him, and it turns out he's a pretty nice guy. He's also LEVEL 89!!! How cool is that? I need a bodyguard with that level, so I made him a leader of the army and the glocks. I think we'll be much more powerful with him with us!"
"... Okay.... I'm pretty tired.... I think I'm going to go sleep now. Good night Artik."
"Good night. Don't let the bed bugs that I accidentally released into your bed bite."
I didn't sleep that night.
One boring day, Artik came in the living room. “I’m bored.”
“Aren’t we all?” I said lazily.
“I have an idea! I’ll go on an adventure!”
“Alright, just be back for dinner.”
Artik, walking around the castle, gathered up a party of people to go on his adventure. He got Blizzard, (Fan Girl was caged), Chef Randy, Chef Zoukini, Xenoloth, and a servant to come with him. The following is from the servant’s narration of the adventure, as I could not tell the tale myself.
Coming soon: Artik and company go on an epic adventure, narrators and greasers involved! But will he be back in time for dinner? (no)
VOLUME 2
Chapter 1: Unk
The party set out, clad in armor and bags of supplies. We traveled North, until night had fallen. We set up camp in a pit near the road. Artik stood up, and announced to the party: “The adventure we seek is North, across the Unker mountains.” The party gasped as he uttered the U word.
Unkers were horrible creatures. They emitted the unholy word: “Unk”. They usually traveled in packs, unking in unison. The Unkers half skipped and half jumped, yelling unk with each footfall. Extremely sensitive to touch, they would stare, with their bowling ball eyes wide open, at the interesting material. Next, they would reach their arm out, and with one trembling finger they would feel the texture of the object, making a sound as if in awe. If they liked it, they would start beating it with enormous strength, yelling “UNK UNK UNK”. If they didn’t like the feeling, they would run away and bump or fall off something, and eventually die. And also, if two Unkers poke each other’s “feeling fingers”, they would explode.
Therefore they had been sent to Unker Mt. where they would do no harm to humans. Now that they had to across these dreaded and demented mountains, the party shook with fear. “Now now…” said Artik softly. “We most likely won’t meet one of these Unkers, we’ll stay on the road.” We started traveling North once again, and soon found ourselves at the base of the Unker Mountains.
Chapter 2: The Eaten Road
We looked around for the road, but to no avail. Then, suddenly Artik shouted. He found a single brick, with teeth marks in it. “My God, the road has been eaten!” The party gasped.
“What shall we do!?”
“I wonder how it tasted!”
“Who ate it!?”
“SILENCE!!!”
Looking up, we saw a holy looking figure standing on a hill, with a sword rested on his shoulder. His voice was slightly muffled when he spoke, as he was wearing a helmet and armor, as white as the Eee PC I am typing this on is.
There was silence. He spoke once more.
“You will not be eaten today. For I, Sir Plink, will guide you across these perilous mountains!” And with that he jumped down, doing somersaults and cartwheels until he was in front of the group. Artik approached him.
“Thank you Sir Knight. We accept your generous offer of help graciously!”
“Good, good. That will be two pieces of gold for the speech, and five for the help.”
We waited for Artik to give the money, but suddenly he turned around and asked, ”Does anyone have any money?”
“We thought you had all of it!” We yelled.
“You think I’m going to pay a whole seven pieces of gold! Preposterous! I am your king!”
“Well we don’t have any!”
“FINE!!!”
Artik turned back to Sir Plink and dug his hand into his pocket. He unearthed a paperclip, some chewed up gum, a sticker of a car, and a string.
“Will you take this instead?”
The knight examined the pocket lint, then made a noise of approval.
“Yes, I accept! Off we go then, follow meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!”
Chapter 3: Sir Plink
This story is in progress.
A Brief Summary of the History of Regnorof
Chapter 1: Our Ruler
Long ago when penguins still walked about the land of Regnorof, there lived a young lad with the name of Artik. Artik was a young boy, and never left Penguin island in his life. One day, the dreaded monkeys attacked Penguin island. Artik lost his arm when a monkey named Oranos raided his home, but grabbing his dad's gun, he shot Oranos right in the face. Artik fled to Capcherf, using a boat that was conveniently near his house. It was a long, cold trip. When Artik was at Ice Path, he slipped and fell into the water. He froze there. After a long, cold 10 years, a man name Mr. NX (me) came, and found Artik. Little did I know I found the future ruler of Capcherf.
**
Chapter 2: 10 Years Time
In 10 years a lot can happen. When Artik was frozen, a war broke out between the penguins and the monkeys. The humans fled until the seven year war ended. The penguins had won. The monkeys retreated back to their master, Nisomi.
**
Chapter 3: Nisomi
Nisomi was born a royal snob. When Nisomi was five years old, he grabbed his father and threw him into the sea, all because he didn’t get his daily 180296357562539623 presents. With his father dead, Nisomi became king. His father is rumored to be part of the sea now.
**
Chapter 4: Artik's Arm
When I noticed Artik's arm, I took him to Forgery Island, a place where people forge… stuff. There, the people made him a new arm, which <random>shot lasers</random> . So now he can protect himself.
**
Chapter 5: 1 Month Later
1 month later, Artik was fitting in nicely in Capcherf, my home village, with me. Artik and I lived in a small house, by the wall. We had become the bestest friends and adventured together.
**
Chapter 6: Artik, the King
One peaceful day, Capcherf was invaded by the monkeys. The soldiers were no match for them (yes, they couldn‘t fight monkeys.). Artik and I fought together, until we found the leader. Picking up his trusty frying pan (o.o), he bashed the monkey chief’s head in. The people of Capcherf were grateful, and declared Artik king. What happened to the other king? The narrator threw him into the sea.
**
Chapter 7: Conclusion
Today I travel with Artik. I record the adventures we have, so everyone knows of his greatness. And stupidity. Oh dear, I hope he doesn’t read this.
**
Regnorof Info
Races
Glocks
-Half alien, half zombie
-We attach armor to their skins
-They work at NX Studios
More to come…
THE ADVENTURES OF ARTIK AND MR.NX: VOLUME 1: The People Join Together
Chapter 1: The Company
The new company, NX Studios, is in construction. We're going to have many things, like a test chamber, with a viewing room. There's going to be a meeting room, entrance room, long hallways etc. I should have the blueprint soon.
I have the blueprint. Top secret. You can't see. I don’t know why. Maybe to build suspense.
Construction complete =] We have guards that are an <random>alien species</random>. We call them Glocks. They're like a zombie and a ghost at the same time (OMG ZOMBIE GHOSTS??? AND I WROTE THIS BEFORE SEEING FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES o.o)
Chapter 2: The Cake is a Lie
Today Artik and I went to a restaurant, seeking a cook for our manor. I took one bite, and then immediately spat it out. It tasted horrible! I asked to see the chef. A fat man who introduced himself as Chef Randy, came to us. He had long, greasy black hair, a red face, and a chef hat that skimmed the ceiling. I told him about the food and he said, "You don't like it? It's my special you know, sausage ice cream with a dash of gunpowder."
When he said this, I stared at him, like I stare at Artik when he‘s having one of his “moments“. I said, "You put GUNPOWDER in it?
""Yes."
"Why?!"
"Well, in all my recipes I have to put something flammable in it, to give it that special zing."
I looked over at Artik, who wasn't saying anything. He was eating the special.
Chef Randy beamed at Artik. "See? Your friend likes it."
I gaped at Artik, who then said, "Can I have some more please?"
Artik invited Chef Randy to our house. They started talking about "old times", which they never even had.
"Remember when I jumped off that cliff and you were like-"
"Yeah, I remember that! Weren't you-"
"Yes I was!"
"That's so funny!"
"Good times..."
"Anyways, how's your cooking career?"
"Not that great. A new chef in town came and made something that everyone liked. He was actually making a cake. No flammable zing or anything! And you know what? I saw him getting the cake from another cook! He paid him! That chef is lie! Heck, the cake is a lie! Hmph! You can't trust any of those cooks with their non-explosive recipes!”
I started to get interested and asked, "What’s his name?"
"Chef Zoukini or something like that."
"Chef Zoukini?? Isn't he the greatest chef in the world?"
"Of course not! I am!"
"Do you read cook magazine?"
"... No."
"Well then, how would you know?"
"I just know."
"Right."
Artik interrupted the conversation. "But why did she lie about the cake?"
"Chef Zoukini is a he,“ I said.
"Riiiiigghhhht
"Chef Randy joined in: "Riiiigghhhtttt
""What is that supposed to mean?" I yelled.
"Hmmm... You wouldn't understand."
"Fine."
"Anyways boys, we have to try and show Chef Zoukini's fans what he really is!"
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I like ruining people's lives!"
"......"
Chef Randy told us to meet him by his house tomorrow to uncover Chef Zoukini.
Today we're going to show Chef Zoukini's true form.
Chef Randy told us the plan, "Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to put a tiny camera on Artik's neck-tie, then we'll film Chef Zoukini dealing with the other chef. Okay, lets go!"
Artik arrived at the scene of the dealing. He hid behind a bush, filming the whole thing. Chef Zoukini, a man with a dark purple suit, a chef hat, and short brown hair went in an alley. He waited there for five minutes, when a man with a briefcase came.
"You got the stuff, G-Man?"
"Yup. Right here."
"G-Man" opened the case and showed... A cake! (And a man with a crowbar, but that is not of importance now.)
Artik ran up to Chef Zoukini after G-Man was gone. He said, "I filmed the whole thing, Zoukini."
"Who are YOU?”
“I am Artik, your king!”
“Never heard of him.”
“…..”
“…..”
Suddenly, Artik pulled out his frying pan and Zoukini pulled his spatula out and they fought an epic battle.
“The narrator really is desperate for action…” I mumbled. Artik finally disarmed Zoukini and yelled, “You fight well!!! But not well enough! Now I shall expose to the world your dirty little secret!”
And then after that, a band came running out of the bushes and started playing “Dirty Little Secret”. A crowd formed, and when they finished we all applauded. The band ran away, the crowd dispersed, and Artik went back to business.
"Zoukini, during the music I thought, maybe I should be nice. If you be my slave, I will not expose your dirty little secret.”
This time, before the band could come out again, Artik took out his shotgun and fired it at the musicians. He then looked back at Zoukini. He was contemplating his choices, and after a minute, he responded.
"Deal... Wait do I have to-!"
"Too late."
Artik grabbed Chef Zoukini and carried him where Chef Randy and I were. We saw Chef Zoukini, and Chef Randy screamed, “HAHAHAHAHHAA FINALLY THE COMPETITION HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!” Chef Randy and Artik were celebrating.
"This was a triumph!" Artik yelled.
"I'm making a note here," Chef Randy got out his notepad, "HUGE SUCCESS."
I got the tape from the necktie and played it. It turns out Artik forgot to turn it on.
Chapter 3: The Nub
Artik was typing on his computer when I came in his room. He was chatting with some people called,"Buggy793, M4, Darkassass1n, Archzero, and some others.
"You've been chatting all day Artik."
No answer.
"Artik...?"
I saw Artik rescue some "Qwertyuiop" from "nonjas".
"Artik, what are you doing?"
No answer again.
Suddenly, Artik started laughing.
"HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHA!!!!!"
"What is it?"
"M4 just posted this children's show, and there's this guy named NU6, or "NUB", who's being the children show host. And he looks so UGLY!!!"
"Let me see that..."
I saw the video. It really was a little funny. The host looked exhausted and demented, and was wearing a cardboard box. The children were piling up on top of him. Artik and I decided we wanted to see this man in person. Artik called Zoukini to drive over there.
We arrived at the place, just in time for the show. NU6 was in his cardboard costume, but you could see his eyes. They were cracked and there was dark circles under them. I started feeling sorry for this guy. The show consisted of the children yelling over NU6s quiet voice, and then the children, getting bored, killed the cameraman, and started piling on NU6 once again.
When the show was done, Zoukini drove Artik and I home. We opened the trunk to get something Artik put there last week. When we opened it, we found NU6 gagged and tied up in there.
When we ungagged NU6 and untied him, we asked him why he was in our trunk. He said that the children jumped him and dragged him in. After that, NU6 refused to go back, so we let him stay with us. He said he owed his "life" to us. Those children must’ve been pretty horrible.
I turned on the TV and watched the news.
"Today we had several murders and a disappearance. Children were terrified."
It showed a film of all the children crying and the murder scene. For a second, I thought I saw one of the child's eyes turn red. I blinked and it was gone. Must've been my imagination.
Chapter 4: Order and Money
Artik wanted to visit Penskit, a nearby town, since he heard there was something interesting happening there. I came with him, and when we got here, we found Arcamedes. He was a tall, official looking man, with an official looking designer suit.
Arcamedes was on a platform, repeating the same line over and over again, "I am Arcamedes the thirteenth and I demand order!"
The townspeople were rioting against Arcamedes. We later found out he was taxing the villagers one quaddrillion dollars a week.. One insane villager jumped at Arcamedes, but a guard caught him. And that guard, apparently equally angry at Arcamedes as the insane villager, threw him at Arcamedes, who got knocked out. Artik, wanting attention, starting rioting too and started a fist fight.
"Artik! Stop it!"
"Have you ever heard of "go with the flow" man?”
"Artik, act more like a smart king!"
"Oh you're no fun, "said Artik, but still put down his fists.
The villagers slowly walked toward Arcamedes with pitchforks and torches. No one deserved to be stabbed by a pitchfork, so I bravely shot all the villagers down, picked up Arcamedes (and Artik), and called Zoukini. We hopped in the car, and escaped.
When we were back at Capcherf, Arcamedes thanked us for saving him, and asked if there was anything he could do to pay us back. Artik said that it would help if he joined the royal committee, and if he payed us onedrillionbillionquadrillion pieces of gold. Arcamedes agreed. And that is where we got all our money.
Chapter 5: Blizzard
Today Artik appointed Chef Randy Royal Chef, and NU6 the Royal Idiot. When Chef Randy was cooking his cereal with a dash of oil, Chef Randy found out that he was out of grease. So Artik and I went to the grease shop.
When we were out of the shop, some greasers (pun intended) came and tried to take our grease for their hair. We refused, and took our weapons out. The greaser leader said, "Don't even try, we have snipers at every building."
"What buildings?" I asked.
"Um. Err..."
When I was about to attack, I saw a spot in the sky. It was a man in a helmet and suit flipping and doing acrobatics in the air. There were sparkles coming from him too. I frowned. The man landed on the greaser leader's horse (horse?) and kicked him off. He then grabbed us and rode away... Into the sunset. When we were at a safe point, the man took off his helmet, swinging his long, golden hair around.
"Hey, I'm Blizzard. Single, and gorgalishous."
"Umm... Hi, "I said, very confused.
"I see you got intercepted by some greasers. Good thing I was there."
"Actually we could've gotten rid of him oursel-"
"Yeeeaaah. You keep telling yourself that, kid."
Kid? I was at least twenty years older than him.
"Actually, I-"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A squeal was then heard. I looked up, and saw a girl parachuting down, and then landed by Blizzard.
"It's you Blizzard, I can't believe it's you! I've been looking for you everywhere, I even got some dogs to sniff you out!!!!"
Artik cut in.
"Hey Blizzard. Why don't be my Royal Bodyguard? I’m recruiting people for my royal court of justice!”
"Sure, I'd do anything... for such a beautiful lady." Winked Blizzard, once again swinging his hair. The girl squealed again.
"Uh, yeah, Artik is a guy. Who is this girl?” I asked.
"Oh, I don't know her name, but everyone calls her Fan Girl."
"Oh."
Artik started talking again, and Blizzard was made Royal Bodyguard. And since we couldn't get Fan Girl to stop following Blizzard, we had to let her come too. We made her Royal Appreciator.
Chapter 6: Level 89
Today we met a strange man named Xenoloth. Artik, me, Blizzard, and of course, Fan Girl, went to the Hills of the Bills to watch the monthly fireworks. When we got there, the Bills were getting ready to get the fireworks up in the sky. Then when one launched, a man came and jumped on it.
At first, everyone just looked and said nothing. Then someone screamed. Everyone else starting screaming too, except our little gang. The man on the firework was yelling something, "LEVEL 89!!!! w0000t!!!!!!" The man had spiky, white hair, and looked strangely similar to one of Artik‘s Runescape characters…. The firework exploded, and he went flying, right towards my face. I think I blacked out after that.
I woke up in my bed with Artik staring at me.
"Finally you're awake!" said Artik with relief.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Well, Xenoloth, the man on the firework, just had a level up. He was so happy that he jumped on a firework and then he landed on you."
"... What..?"
"Well, that doesn't matter. I talked to him, and it turns out he's a pretty nice guy. He's also LEVEL 89!!! How cool is that? I need a bodyguard with that level, so I made him a leader of the army and the glocks. I think we'll be much more powerful with him with us!"
"... Okay.... I'm pretty tired.... I think I'm going to go sleep now. Good night Artik."
"Good night. Don't let the bed bugs that I accidentally released into your bed bite."
I didn't sleep that night.
One boring day, Artik came in the living room. “I’m bored.”
“Aren’t we all?” I said lazily.
“I have an idea! I’ll go on an adventure!”
“Alright, just be back for dinner.”
Artik, walking around the castle, gathered up a party of people to go on his adventure. He got Blizzard, (Fan Girl was caged), Chef Randy, Chef Zoukini, Xenoloth, and a servant to come with him. The following is from the servant’s narration of the adventure, as I could not tell the tale myself.
Coming soon: Artik and company go on an epic adventure, narrators and greasers involved! But will he be back in time for dinner? (no)
VOLUME 2
Chapter 1: Unk
The party set out, clad in armor and bags of supplies. We traveled North, until night had fallen. We set up camp in a pit near the road. Artik stood up, and announced to the party: “The adventure we seek is North, across the Unker mountains.” The party gasped as he uttered the U word.
Unkers were horrible creatures. They emitted the unholy word: “Unk”. They usually traveled in packs, unking in unison. The Unkers half skipped and half jumped, yelling unk with each footfall. Extremely sensitive to touch, they would stare, with their bowling ball eyes wide open, at the interesting material. Next, they would reach their arm out, and with one trembling finger they would feel the texture of the object, making a sound as if in awe. If they liked it, they would start beating it with enormous strength, yelling “UNK UNK UNK”. If they didn’t like the feeling, they would run away and bump or fall off something, and eventually die. And also, if two Unkers poke each other’s “feeling fingers”, they would explode.
Therefore they had been sent to Unker Mt. where they would do no harm to humans. Now that they had to across these dreaded and demented mountains, the party shook with fear. “Now now…” said Artik softly. “We most likely won’t meet one of these Unkers, we’ll stay on the road.” We started traveling North once again, and soon found ourselves at the base of the Unker Mountains.
Chapter 2: The Eaten Road
We looked around for the road, but to no avail. Then, suddenly Artik shouted. He found a single brick, with teeth marks in it. “My God, the road has been eaten!” The party gasped.
“What shall we do!?”
“I wonder how it tasted!”
“Who ate it!?”
“SILENCE!!!”
Looking up, we saw a holy looking figure standing on a hill, with a sword rested on his shoulder. His voice was slightly muffled when he spoke, as he was wearing a helmet and armor, as white as the Eee PC I am typing this on is.
There was silence. He spoke once more.
“You will not be eaten today. For I, Sir Plink, will guide you across these perilous mountains!” And with that he jumped down, doing somersaults and cartwheels until he was in front of the group. Artik approached him.
“Thank you Sir Knight. We accept your generous offer of help graciously!”
“Good, good. That will be two pieces of gold for the speech, and five for the help.”
We waited for Artik to give the money, but suddenly he turned around and asked, ”Does anyone have any money?”
“We thought you had all of it!” We yelled.
“You think I’m going to pay a whole seven pieces of gold! Preposterous! I am your king!”
“Well we don’t have any!”
“FINE!!!”
Artik turned back to Sir Plink and dug his hand into his pocket. He unearthed a paperclip, some chewed up gum, a sticker of a car, and a string.
“Will you take this instead?”
The knight examined the pocket lint, then made a noise of approval.
“Yes, I accept! Off we go then, follow meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!”
Chapter 3: Sir Plink